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Grief

Grief

by TerryLema

Recently I learned of the passing of two people. The first was a sweet 14-year-old. The second was an old saint of God, 101 years old. Family and friends are grieving their loss.

Succinctly, grief is the price we pay for loving someone. When we love someone, we become vulnerable to loss and to grief. Yet, to me, not loving at all would be a far worse way to live.

The Scriptures remind us that as Christians we do grieve but we grieve differently from the world. We grieve with hope.  “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.” [1Thessalonians 4:13 NLT]

That does not mean we hurt less. It means we have something incorporated into our mourning that those do not have who live apart from the LORD – HOPE.

We have the hope that this life is not all there is … in fact, this life is a brief burst that will take on eternity when we enter the presence of the LORD we love. There we will gather around the throne with the saints of all the ages. There we will be reunited with loved ones who have entered that eternity before us. There our hope will be fulfilled.

And still, I remember that short little verse in John 11:35, “Jesus wept.”

The very LORD who is our Living Hope stood outside the tomb of His friend, Lazarus, and His Heart broke for all those affected by death—even while He knew that in the next few moments, He would raise Lazarus from the grave.

Loss hurts. We grieve.

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Grief & Mourning

by TerryLema

I have been a hospice chaplain and a pastor. As such, I have seen a lot of death and dying, as well as people who have experienced profound losses from other reasons.

While I understand that the emphasis of the church is to “make disciples,” I also know that part of pastoring is shepherding. It is walking with people through the difficulties of life and helping them make peace with those things that are often not understandable.

Mourning is part of being human. Mourning is actively dealing with the grief we experience over profound loss, such as the death of a loved one, or an accident or disease that changes our life. It is an experience we go through when something we value has been taken from us. We can also experience mourning (godly sorrow) when we are called to repent over our own sins.

Mourning is a familiar theme in the Scriptures. We see great men of God mourn over the loss of spouses, children, and friends. In the OT, their mourning was often accompanied by weeping, throwing dirt upon their heads, or tearing their clothing. Jesus, Himself, stood outside the tomb of His friend Lazarus and wept.

My heart is always touched by those who must go through a time of grief and mourning. And nothing gets my dander up faster than to hear someone rebuke a mourner by misquoting the Scriptures.

1Thessalonians 4:13-18 reminds us that as believers we too will experience grief and mourn. We, however, mourn differently from the world. We mourn with hope. “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.” [vs 13 HCSB]

While we mourn with hope, we still mourn. We still experience those emotions tied to grief that the world experiences. We still must actively mourn loss. And we still must allow others to express their grief in our presence without criticism or reproach.

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Acquainted with Grief

by TerryLema

That great Chapter 53 of Isaiah describes the first coming of the Messiah. We know that description fit Christ Jesus our Savior, who was rejected and brutalized by those He came to save. Part of that description says that He was “A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” [Isaiah 53:3 NKJV]

As I read through that chapter, I was drawn to those three words, “acquainted with grief.” To some extent, those three words describe life. At some point, all of us will become “acquainted with grief.”

 It may come sooner for some, or later for others, but grief is a certainty. I say that not because I am a fatalist or pessimist. In fact, I am an optimist! However, when sin and death entered this world as mankind rebelled in the Garden of Eden, grief became a certainty.

Grief becomes our companion when we lose a loved one. It walks with us when health is threatened. It abides in our aging. It flows through our sin (and the sin of others against us) as well as sin’s consequences. Once grief arrives, it never completely leaves.

But the one thing that I take great comfort in is those few words that precede “acquainted with grief” in Isaiah’s passage … our LORD is a “Man of Sorrows”, and He knows what it is like to be “acquainted with grief.”

 My LORD knows grief. And not only does He know it, but He can also provide comfort to us when grief threatens to overwhelm. Hear what Paul said:

 “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so through Christ our comfort also overflows.” [2 Corinthians 1:3-5 HCSB]

We may be “acquainted with grief,” but because of Christ Jesus, “our comfort also overflows.” Amen & Amen

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Not Like the Rest

by TerryLema

Our Journey Through Loss class finished last Thursday.  The class finished; unfortunately, the mourning did not.  A new class will most likely begin in the fall with the school year.  In the meantime, the pain in the hearts of those who attended will still be there.  Hopefully, this class helped by teaching us a few things about pain, grief, and mourning.

If someone were to ask me what my most precious ministry would be, it would be with the dying and grieving. There is a special place in my heart for those who experience loss.  I loved my hospice ministry with the dying. I love supporting those who are left behind and must make a journey no one wants to make.

I think as a culture we are not very good at understanding grief and mourning.  As a church, we haven’t been much better.  I remember how often I heard people quote 1 Thessalonians 4:13 as a reprimand at someone who showed signs of grief after loss.

“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.” [HCSB]

This verse has often been misquoted as “we do not grieve,” with the “like the rest who have no hope” part left out. Yes, we do not grieve like the rest, but we do grieve.  We grieve like those who have hope!  We have a hope that when we die, we will join those who have already gone into the presence of the LORD.  And if the LORD returns before that happens, well, that’s going to be an amazing in-the-clouds reunion.

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout with the archangel’s voice, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  Then we who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and so we will always be with the Lord.  Therefore encourage one another with these words.”  [1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 HCSB]

 

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The Day of Previous Things

by TerryLema

The 2022 Masters Golf Tournament was played at Augusta National April 7 to 10. Usually, the field consists of around 90 to 100 golfers.  There was one winner. His name is Scottie Scheffler. He came in ranked number one in the world.

You would think it not surprising that the number one golfer in the world would win one of the biggest and toughest tournaments in the golf year, but it was just 57 days prior that Scheffler had his first win on the PGA Tour. (He now has four wins in his last six starts.)

There was, however, another golfer on the tour who seemed to get much more attention than Scheffler from both the media and the crowd. His name is Tiger Woods. He has been the number one golfer in the world multiple times. He has won The Masters five times; his first victory in 1997.

This time the attention on Tiger was anchored in his recovery from a car accident that nearly took his right leg. It was uncertain that he would be able to walk; it was extremely uncertain that he would be able to play golf again.  But he came back, and his bravery garnered most of the interest on the course.

Woods was honest about his pain.  It was noticeable at times that he was limping and even using a golf club like some of us use a cane. But he persevered. Making the cut he played all four days. By the end, the strain of pain was evident on his face. His score was nothing to speak of, yet his courage won the day.

So many of us live with daily, chronic pain. Some of it is the physical pain which often accompanies aging. Some of it is the pain of specific diseases or conditions. Sometimes the pain is not physical, but emotional. We suffer loss and that pain never truly leaves us.

As I watched Tiger Woods walk Augusta National in pain, I was reminded of a promise of God to those who love Him. It is found in that last, marvelous, victorious book of Scripture.  “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will no longer exist; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away.” [Revelation 21:4 HCSB]

Now we are living in the day of “the previous things,” but, there is coming a time, beloved, when “grief, crying, and pain” will be banished forever.

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A Common Grief

by TerryLema

I always think of the Saturday of Holy Week as a day of mourning. The followers of Jesus saw Him die on a Roman cross. They knew he was buried in a tomb, a great stone was rolled across the entrance, and a guard stationed to make sure Jesus stayed buried. Now they were hiding behind locked doors. They were fearful that the same ones who took their Master would now come for them.

There was more than just fear as they sat behind those locked doors. They shared a common guilt … most had deserted Him in his final hours.  How could they go on after what they had done.

On this day they also shared a common grief. Not only with each other but also with God.

Long ago, in the days of Noah, God expressed His grief in mankind’s rebellion and wickedness.

“When the Lord saw that man’s wickedness was widespread on the earth and that every scheme his mind thought of was nothing but evil all the time, the Lord regretted that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.” [Genesis 6:5-6 HCSB]

It was that rebellion and wickedness which brought God’s Son to earth to fulfill the Father’s plan to bring His children back to Him.  God’s Son, “a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”

“He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted.” [Isaiah 53:3-4 NKJV]

Now as Jesus’ body was in the tomb, the followers of Christ got a small glimpse of the result of man’s wickedness and evil. Their friend, their leader was dead, and, on this day, their hope is crushed.

But as it has been said many times before … Sunday is Coming!

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God of All Comfort

by TerryLema

I have been asked so many time how people endure and recover from the harsh realities of life. After suffering loss, people are confused and lost, even if the loss was expected. When the loss is unexpected, it can be even worse.

Christians often ask me after experiencing a loss, how anyone that does not know the LORD can cope with the accompanying grief.

Grief is a journey that no one genuinely wants to undertake.  And yet each of us at some time will experience it.  I have walked my own grief journeys, and I have walked with others through theirs.

As I face grief, or see others beginning their own grief journey, I am reminded of what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians.

“Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  [2 Corinthians 1:3-4 HCSB]

Paul identifies our God with two titles. He is the Father of Mercies. And He is also The God of All Comfort.  All Comfort!

 All comfort comes from Him, whether it is received by Christians or by those who are not. In loss, He alone sustains people, even when they are not aware of that.

Right now, people I love are beginning a grief journey. I pray the God of All Comfort meets them, sustains them, guides them by the power of His Spirit through their journeys. I pray that they are aware of His comfort. I pray I am able to comfort them with the comfort I have often received from my LORD.

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