“Search me, O God, and know my heart”

by TerryLema

It’s been a difficult week, one in which I’ve had to deal with emotions that I didn’t think I still had. I used to be a very angry person, but I thought that one was conquered.  Apparently, it wasn’t.  I also thought I was a person who gave the benefit of the doubt and didn’t hurt easily.  Apparently, I’m not always.  And I thought I was a person who led with the spirit and mind and made my emotions follow.  Apparently, that’s not completely true either. So back to the drawing board!

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  [Ps 139:23-24 NIV]

I think it is a dangerous prayer to ask God to search us and see if there is anything offensive in us.  Because most certainly He will search, and most certainly He will reveal something offensive – at least in my case that is always true.

I have found that God’s way of searching is often to put us through difficult times. Our reactions then flow to the surface and become quite apparent. That was my week. Difficult situation, I reacted, and it became quite apparent that …I still can be an angry person, I don’t always give the benefit of the doubt, can be hurt easily and I do at times lead with my emotions instead of my spirit.

God knew just how to get me to that place where my need of His Spirit was revealed. He showed me the person I am and the person He wants me to be – and just how far short of that I am.  So now we begin the process of change: acknowledgment first that I need to change, repentance, and finally cooperation with the Spirit of God for that change.

Father, give me the courage I need to acknowledge that I need to change. Give me the wisdom to know how to accomplish that in the power of Your Spirit.  Amen

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