In June or July 2019, I noticed changes in my body. I was walking three miles a day, no pain, lots of energy. I was 72 years old. But suddenly, in the space of a couple weeks, I could not walk even half a mile, I was stiff, fatigued, and pain was blooming in various parts of my torso. By September I had a diagnosis, Polymyalgia Rheumatica (PMR). Early the following year, they added a second auto-immune disease Giant Cell Arteritis (GCA). My life changed.
There was always the hope of remission. PMR can go into remission after two to five years. I am almost at four years and so far, PMR and GCA are daily companions. Doctors are hoping that the medications I take will keep them under control, but the medications also have side effects that can disturb daily life.
I realized at 76 years of age, I no longer have the hope that “I’ll get back to normal,” and that one day “I’ll get better,” and able to do what I once did. These diseases have taken a toll on my body and even if they go into remission, even if I no longer must do the infusions or take the medications, my body will never go back to what it once was.
That is disheartening. It means that every day will have some kind of struggle against pain or fatigue. It means that every day I will have to fight to do what I used to take for granted.
Still … I am grateful. I have an empathy for others with chronic pain or debilitation that I never had before.
Still … I am hopeful. I serve the God of Hope. “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” [Romans 15:13 HCSB]
I believe and serve the God of Hope. He has filled my heart with joy and peace. Hope, joy, peace overflow in me because the power of the Holy Spirit remains in me! And one day I will stand strong again in the presence of my Father God because of all that Christ Jesus has done for and in me. That is what I will focus on today! Amen & Amen
