It is Easter Sunday morning as I write this, and my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. I spent Good Friday and Silent Saturday watching a replay of Christian movies, “Fireproof,” “Heaven is For Real,” “Courageous,” “Facing the Giants,” to name a few.
Bob was fishing with a friend all day Friday from early in the morning until dinner time and was in and out Saturday busy with errands. I sat in the big lounge chair in the living room enjoying the sunshine coming through the window as I watched, prayed, meditated, and listened.
I started crying sometime around mid-day Friday. It was not really tied to anything I was watching; it was just a sorrow that began to fill my soul. Saturday, around mid-day, I as I watched “Facing the Giants” and that great “death crawl scene,” I started to weep (loudly).
I think I would have cried most of the afternoon, but my son came to pick up some things and I had to get my emotions under control. I did, however, discover the source of my tears.
If you have never seen the “death crawl scene” in “Facing the Giants,” there is a link to the video below. As I watched that scene, I was overwhelmed … I have prayed and prayed and fought for many years to see revival in our church, our city, our state, our nation. I was stunned by thoughts that retiring at the end of the year seems like I am quitting on the 50-yard line – without reaching the end zone.
I have many reasons to retire, age, health, energy … the main reason is that I am sure I heard God’s direction correctly that the Middleton church needs a younger person to take over, my work there is done. I was also aware that somewhere along the way I would have second thoughts. What I never expected was the intensity of those second thoughts and the shocking truth that I have only reached the 50-yard line ….
I am not writing this because I plan on changing my mind or want others to encourage me to change my mind. I am not seeking sympathy. I guess I put these thoughts into words as a reminder that life can be difficult even when we are directly within the will of God.
Matthew 6:10: “your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”
The Death Crawl scene from Facing the Giants – Bing video
